Baby and her father

Comparing my life to film

Head in the clouds

That’s the same 

I watch my husbands heartache as he is forced to confront the reality that his daughter is growing into a woman

The phase of life I never had 

The thing I robbed my mother of when I confessed my pregnancy a month after my quinceñera

A beautiful and sad process 

A necessary and unavoidable part of progress 

Filled with love and heavy with potential 

A new start

A parenting chapter neither of us know much about

Happy Fathers Day my love

Vulnerable

When you’re loved one is acting from hurt 

It’s not the time to be defensive and careless 

Care for the cracks and spills before you start attacking …because you love the person 

Or you’ll shatter the heart completely, from which you will need love and nurturing from one day 

Treat it with compassion and consideration 

Unstable

The times when things are rocky with those nearest to me are the most unsettling.

I get distracted momentarily with work, and (thank God) friends. 

But I always have to end my day at home…and there they are. 

The Rock and the Princess. The two that burst my bubble and sank my ship. 

I find myself fantasizing about leaving. Why does it come to this? 

I want to leave them both to figure shit out without me. 

I ponder about what kind of job the Peace Corps might offer me or which country I could be a migrant farmer in. 

It’s ridiculous. I’m not free. I can’t just get up and go wherever I want. 

I feel caged. I feel stifled. I feel invisible and over used. Unloved and unappreciated cyclically. 

I’m avoiding the confrontation and discussion…that moment of vulnerability I haven’t mustered up the courage to share. 

I’ll just get drunk instead

being human

I am just sitting here typing in order to look and sound busy

Trying to keep the frustrated thoughts out of my head

The thought that I feel disrespected and not considered

The thought that my child does not appreciate what I do for her

I have feelings whirling in my chest

They’re trying to come out my eyes

I have to work and maintain my composure

I need to care about what these kids are saying

I must be compassionate and understanding

I am not permitted to tell them to “get over it”

I cannot roll my eyes and be selfish

I must show up and be present

Although all I want to do is hide

So instead, I will just hide my feelings.

Bury them deep so they don’t slip

 

Streaming

avoiding using hiding organizing cleaning folding imagining re-arranging preparing writing thinking feeling listening longing hoping resting disconnecting coping escaping drinking burning tapping dancing  wiping stretching 

a woman’s best friend

When the mailman pulls up

or there’s a knock on the door

when the bells jingle

or I hear the car roar,

I miss your unconditional love

and just your existence.

I crave your support and concern,

your healing presence.

The heart and warmth in this home,

the all knowing – of all goings on,

the vacuum and shedder

alerter of all all things, is now gone.

Over two weeks have gone by and I still miss my sweet boy,

aching in my heart sparked by coming across a toy.

My final wish for you: may you forever be blissful and may you rest in joy

Right now

staying in the moment 

Focused on the positive 

My love has grown exponentially 

It feels stronger than ever 

Won’t dare to allow my thoughts to stray 

To wonder when and if it will all fall away 

Being present and current

Grateful for the strong, sexy man that shows me love and loyalty 

On the roller coaster 

Hands up 

Soaring 

Soaking up sun and wind in my face 

So in love with him

Mo men ts 

I take their breath away 

They bare all their teeth for me

Bless me with heartfelt thoughts of kindness 

Share romance through profound poetry 

Go the extra mile 

Let me have it for free 

Ask for my prayers 

Longingly look into my eyes 

Steal a touch 

Provide a “hook up” 

Kids in college

need to vent 

The kid thinks I don’t want to help him 

I want him to grow up and take responsibility for himself 

I don’t think I will help by bailing him out 

I can’t afford it anyway 

I, I, I…

I sound like a single mom

I’m not 

But writing to no one might be more beneficial than getting him to understand, reciprocate, communicate, act 

There’s no one