Comparing my life to film
Head in the clouds
That’s the same
I watch my husbands heartache as he is forced to confront the reality that his daughter is growing into a woman
The phase of life I never had
The thing I robbed my mother of when I confessed my pregnancy a month after my quinceñera
A beautiful and sad process
A necessary and unavoidable part of progress
Filled with love and heavy with potential
A new start
A parenting chapter neither of us know much about
Happy Fathers Day my love
When you’re loved one is acting from hurt
It’s not the time to be defensive and careless
Care for the cracks and spills before you start attacking …because you love the person
Or you’ll shatter the heart completely, from which you will need love and nurturing from one day
Treat it with compassion and consideration
The times when things are rocky with those nearest to me are the most unsettling.
I get distracted momentarily with work, and (thank God) friends.
But I always have to end my day at home…and there they are.
The Rock and the Princess. The two that burst my bubble and sank my ship.
I find myself fantasizing about leaving. Why does it come to this?
I want to leave them both to figure shit out without me.
I ponder about what kind of job the Peace Corps might offer me or which country I could be a migrant farmer in.
It’s ridiculous. I’m not free. I can’t just get up and go wherever I want.
I feel caged. I feel stifled. I feel invisible and over used. Unloved and unappreciated cyclically.
I’m avoiding the confrontation and discussion…that moment of vulnerability I haven’t mustered up the courage to share.
I’ll just get drunk instead
I am just sitting here typing in order to look and sound busy
Trying to keep the frustrated thoughts out of my head
The thought that I feel disrespected and not considered
The thought that my child does not appreciate what I do for her
I have feelings whirling in my chest
They’re trying to come out my eyes
I have to work and maintain my composure
I need to care about what these kids are saying
I must be compassionate and understanding
I am not permitted to tell them to “get over it”
I cannot roll my eyes and be selfish
I must show up and be present
Although all I want to do is hide
So instead, I will just hide my feelings.
Bury them deep so they don’t slip
avoiding using hiding organizing cleaning folding imagining re-arranging preparing writing thinking feeling listening longing hoping resting disconnecting coping escaping drinking burning tapping dancing wiping stretching
When the mailman pulls up
or there’s a knock on the door
when the bells jingle
or I hear the car roar,
I miss your unconditional love
and just your existence.
I crave your support and concern,
your healing presence.
The heart and warmth in this home,
the all knowing – of all goings on,
the vacuum and shedder
alerter of all all things, is now gone.
Over two weeks have gone by and I still miss my sweet boy,
aching in my heart sparked by coming across a toy.
My final wish for you: may you forever be blissful and may you rest in joy
staying in the moment
Focused on the positive
My love has grown exponentially
It feels stronger than ever
Won’t dare to allow my thoughts to stray
To wonder when and if it will all fall away
Being present and current
Grateful for the strong, sexy man that shows me love and loyalty
On the roller coaster
Soaking up sun and wind in my face
So in love with him
I take their breath away
They bare all their teeth for me
Bless me with heartfelt thoughts of kindness
Share romance through profound poetry
Go the extra mile
Let me have it for free
Ask for my prayers
Longingly look into my eyes
Steal a touch
Provide a “hook up”
need to vent
The kid thinks I don’t want to help him
I want him to grow up and take responsibility for himself
I don’t think I will help by bailing him out
I can’t afford it anyway
I, I, I…
I sound like a single mom
But writing to no one might be more beneficial than getting him to understand, reciprocate, communicate, act
There’s no one
those birthdays as a new mom
When nothing feels like it’s about you
They go away
The kids grow up
Make you cool stuff
You can lay in the hammock you built
Drink your wine
And watch the clouds go by