Hindsight

The fifteen year old pregnant girl could not look into the future to see 

A good marriage 

A beautiful home 

Smart and able children 

All she could think about was how she was going to finish high school and go to college?

She wondered if what she had with her boyfriend was love or obligation?

She imagined a life in the hustle of NYC 

She couldn’t see the future 

She saw the looks, read the statistics, and disappointed her loved ones back then. 

I want to travel back in time to tell her she’s on the right path 

To encourage her on those dark days 

To let her know in twenty years, it’s all okay

We are happy, healthy, and love one another with the utmost loyalty, fortitude, & humility 

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Baby and her father

Comparing my life to film

Head in the clouds

That’s the same 

I watch my husbands heartache as he is forced to confront the reality that his daughter is growing into a woman

The phase of life I never had 

The thing I robbed my mother of when I confessed my pregnancy a month after my quinceñera

A beautiful and sad process 

A necessary and unavoidable part of progress 

Filled with love and heavy with potential 

A new start

A parenting chapter neither of us know much about

Happy Fathers Day my love

Unstable

The times when things are rocky with those nearest to me are the most unsettling.

I get distracted momentarily with work, and (thank God) friends. 

But I always have to end my day at home…and there they are. 

The Rock and the Princess. The two that burst my bubble and sank my ship. 

I find myself fantasizing about leaving. Why does it come to this? 

I want to leave them both to figure shit out without me. 

I ponder about what kind of job the Peace Corps might offer me or which country I could be a migrant farmer in. 

It’s ridiculous. I’m not free. I can’t just get up and go wherever I want. 

I feel caged. I feel stifled. I feel invisible and over used. Unloved and unappreciated cyclically. 

I’m avoiding the confrontation and discussion…that moment of vulnerability I haven’t mustered up the courage to share. 

I’ll just get drunk instead

being human

I am just sitting here typing in order to look and sound busy

Trying to keep the frustrated thoughts out of my head

The thought that I feel disrespected and not considered

The thought that my child does not appreciate what I do for her

I have feelings whirling in my chest

They’re trying to come out my eyes

I have to work and maintain my composure

I need to care about what these kids are saying

I must be compassionate and understanding

I am not permitted to tell them to “get over it”

I cannot roll my eyes and be selfish

I must show up and be present

Although all I want to do is hide

So instead, I will just hide my feelings.

Bury them deep so they don’t slip

 

Right now

staying in the moment 

Focused on the positive 

My love has grown exponentially 

It feels stronger than ever 

Won’t dare to allow my thoughts to stray 

To wonder when and if it will all fall away 

Being present and current

Grateful for the strong, sexy man that shows me love and loyalty 

On the roller coaster 

Hands up 

Soaring 

Soaking up sun and wind in my face 

So in love with him

Kids in college

need to vent 

The kid thinks I don’t want to help him 

I want him to grow up and take responsibility for himself 

I don’t think I will help by bailing him out 

I can’t afford it anyway 

I, I, I…

I sound like a single mom

I’m not 

But writing to no one might be more beneficial than getting him to understand, reciprocate, communicate, act 

There’s no one 

Endings

dance theater closes

The boy has a fetish 

The girl has a boyfriend 

No babies left here

His future is unclear 

Her precarious age, troublesome, it is 

I’m feeling confident however

About myself for a change!

Finally this 33rd year 

Preoccupied, yes 

But reassured at the same time 

That experience 

Will do its job and teach us all 

The best way to get along 

Through love, laughs, and trust 

I hope and I pray 

This time of change

Will bring better days 

Revoke

Completely regret today. Not the whole day, but a lot of it.
I should have discussed it with the director.
I shouldn’t have let her go someplace else without us.
We should have accepted their invitation to their home.
Need a year to pass before I will stop thinking about it so much
The twisting knots as audible as dog paws on hardwood floors
Over analyzing the long term effects
Like a fading picture when you change the past.
Her future lies in my hands
She slips further away everyday
I feel lost
A hamsters life I lead
Always busy
Regret as unretractable as the day

 

 

Matthew Bourne’s Sleeping Beauty: A Gothic Romance at New York City Center…

NYC Dance Stuff

Matthew Bourne’s Sleeping Beauty: A Gothic Romance, which opened in London this December, is part of the choreographer’s Tchaikovsky trilogy. A re-envisioning of the great 19th Century romantic ballets; Swan Lake(1877),The Nutcracker (1892) which was originally entitled the The Nutcracker and the Mouse King, and Sleeping Beauty(1890).

These three ballets are noted in history for having been choreographed by the French-Russian ballet master Marius Petipa (1818-1910) known as the father of classical ballet. Even after 100 year, Petipa’s choreography is still alive and seen by ballet purist as sacrosanct. The pas de deux, steps and combinations from these ballets can be found in the syllabus of the world’s greatest ballet schools and conservatories, Bolshoi Ballet Academy, The Royal Ballet School and The Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis School at American Ballet Theatre.

For the award-winning British choreographer Matthew Bourne to tackle such a recognized and respected mainstay of classical dance…

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